


Sanctify

by hyukaslips



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: But soobin likes him that way, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Huening Kai-Centric, Hueningkai is TIRED, Hurt/Comfort, Kai is 17, M/M, a whole leo, and very dramatic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 18:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30009333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyukaslips/pseuds/hyukaslips
Summary: Hueningkai considers himself a patient person.He really, really is.But maybe waiting for Soobin to make a move will make his patience vanish.(Your typical best friends to lovers, where Soobin is oblivious and Kai is tired of everything.)
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	Sanctify

**Author's Note:**

  * For [onesam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onesam/gifts).



> This is a fic really out of my main stories, maybe because it was conceived to belong to someone else. This is mine, but also I can feel like it never really belonged to me in first place. 
> 
> This is the proof that I can write good endings, a blooming relationship.  
> So, Happy Birthday <3
> 
> Based in [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37lXjnflt9M)

_**When I pray** _

_**When I** _

_**When I pray** _

Hueningkai was a prodigy in dancing. He knew it. None has ever dared to question him when it came to expression himself through his body. He had danced almost before walking and his parents never had a problem with it, all the other way around, they encouraged it.

They had always let him be free, and he was. As much as you could being raised in South Korea, of course. In some way, he still resented his parents for not staying in the States. Life could be slightly —maybe just a tiny bit — easier that way.

Maybe that way he could have courage enough to go and intertwine his fingers with Soobin’s, declared, eternally best friend. And it wasn’t like he didn’t want it, it was more… That since around a year, things with Soobin had started to get weird.

_**In the night, you come to me** _

_**'Cause I'm the one who knows who you are.** _

It had been the night before Kai’s 17 birthday, both of them were laying on his bed, watching a movie. Hueningkai would be lying if he said that he was truly paying attention to the movie. He was way more interested in watching how the light from the TV illuminated the handsome face next to him. And that feeling that burned at the pit of his stomach each time he called his name, or touched his arm, or whatever he did.

“Kai?” The aforesaid blinked, lifting his gaze to meet another couple of eyes already looking back at him, he gulped slowly.

“Yes?” Kai tried to smile, swallowing his sudden nervousness of being caught in the act of staring for too long, staring with a strange desire of reach, of touch.

“I feel like I need to tell you something…”

**_Give me your confession, saying_ **

**_Lately, life's been tearing you apart_ **

Kai breathed softly, exhaling carefully to not sound like he was worried. “You know that you can tell me anything… It’s just me.” This time his smile was much more sincere, reaching for his arm to squeeze it lovingly, trying to reassure him. There were a few moments of silence and Kai thought that maybe he had retracted from the idea.

“I… Uhm, I might like… well, uh… boys?” Even in the partial darkness, Hueningkai could notice how red Soobin’s ears were, it was really endearing for him. They had gone through this same conversation before, but way more nonchalantly, as himself recognized a few months ago that he was, indeed, interested only in boys. It hasn’t been a big deal for him, spending way too many summers in America to understand that it wasn’t really a big deal.

“Oh.” His smile grew wider, brighter. “It’s okay, you know there’s nobody who can understand you better than I do.” And it was true. There was literally none more perfect than Kai for Soobin.

Or that was what he liked to think, a little ashamed, if you asked him.

**_Now Walk through the fire with you_ **

**_'Cause I know how it can hurt_ **

There was something weirdly implicit between them. Kai kinda liked it. Also kinda hated it. After that talk, after that night, both of them had started to get more touchy. There were longer stares, shared smiles, lingering touches.

He could not ignore the way Soobin always snatched him away, hand tightly on his waist, anytime he spent a little too long talking with a boy. He liked those little acts of possessiveness from him, and he would like them more if they would actually... Talk about it. Hueningkai hated, but really hated that each time he tried to approach the older about it, he would evade him. Kai himself wasn't really someone who precisely liked to confront stuff, but his patience was being tested.

It had been tolerable the first couple months, but now, almost a year into it, he was starting to doubt about everything. In first place, it wasn’t even a concrete thing. That it was what bothered Kai the most. Because sometimes, when the older acted possessive over him, when he stared long at him, eyes filled with something Kai couldn’t decipher yet, he could pretend that the same feeling was laying inside Soobin too.

**_Being cut in two, and afraid_ **

**_So don't break_ **

But Kai couldn’t find the courage to ask. What if everything he sees was only paranoia? What if he was seeing what he _wanted_ to see and Soobin wasn’t really interested? What if he just treated him like he would treat a sibling and…?

Hueningkai couldn’t risk their relationship like that. Couldn’t risk what was most precious for him next to dancing. So he just keeps it inside, silently asking each time the situation between themselves went tense, begging with his eyes to get an answer to his silent question.

_What’s this between us, hyung?_

_**Sanctify my body with pain** _

Hueningkai repeated the movements once more, muscles already aching. How long he had been there anyway? The studio was completely empty, he noticed as he stopped the music. It was dark, probably late. He had gone lost on it, again. He wanted it.

He had purposely been avoiding Soobin the past couple days. Not that they had fought or something, he just—felt like it. So, looking at his phone, he brushed off the messages from him, after spending already two days answering vaguely, with evasives.

I’m sorry, I can’t.

I have practice.

I have a test this Friday.

Studying with Tyun, sorry.

Maybe he was being mean, Kai knew that. But at the same time, he wanted to know if the older would do something, if he would pick up what was happening between them lately. But mostly, what the fuck had had happened a couple of days ago.

**_Sanctify the love that you crave_ **

He was used to being around Taehyun’s other friends, the red haired was damn popular. Smart, team captain and now dating another of the most popular boys of the school, Choi Beomgyu. Luckily for Kai, besides looking unreachable beautiful, Taehyun’s boyfriend was utterly sweet, inviting him—and whoever he wanted— to have lunch at their table.

The table.

The popular’s table.

Of course he had brought Soobin. Obviously. He needed the familiarity of his body next to him to feel less anxious. To feel less out of place.

So here he was, squeezed between Soobin on his right and one of Beomgyu’s best friends, Choi Yeonjun, with whom Kai also talked a lot on his left. Of course Taehyun and Beomgyu were going to be stuck together, stealing from each other's lunches, holding hands under the table.

“Disgusting…” He mumbled, making both of his hyungs laugh, Soobin squeezing his leg like he had done countless times before.

“Ah, let them, young love.” Yeonjun replied from his other side, smiling. “Don’t act like you have never been in love, Hyuka. Let them be.” Kai could feel his stomach dropping slightly, heavily. He swore he could feel eyes fixed on his right cheek, but he decided to ignore it.

“I have never dated anyone, Yeonjun-hyung.” The younger mumbled again, feeling how his cheeks went deeply red, cursing himself. “None is interested in me in that way anyway.” The younger tried to shrug it off, taking another handful of noodles.

“What if I invite you on a date?”

Kai’s chopsticks hit the floor messily, noodles falling all over his lap.

“Hyung.” He heard Taehyun and Beomgyu speak at the unison and he didn’t know what to do, what to say. How to react, he didn’t want to look at his right.

“What? He is cute.” Yeonjun defended himself. The younger was speechless, he opened his mouth, trying to speak, trying to—

“No.” Kai looked so fast to his right that he thought he was going to break his neck. He had never seen Soobin so mad before, something warm spreading all over his guts.

**_Oh, and I won't, and I won't, and I won't be ashamed_ **

He should be ashamed of wanting more, of wanting Soobin to say something but he couldn’t. They looked at each other, once more in silence and Kai felt like he could tear up at any point waiting. Always waiting.

Kai was fucking tired of waiting.

“Why not?” He asked the older, eyes still fixed into his. He felt defiant, in some way, the rest of the table in deep silence. Taehyun knew everything, it wasn’t like he was dumb, the red haired had discovered years ago. How could his hyung be so oblivious? He was tired, so tired of waiting. “Yeah, I thought so…” The younger barely whispered, just for him to hear him, standing up. “I have practice, see you all later.”

_**Sanctify my sins when I pray** _

_**When I pray** _

There were no real words exchanged between them after that. Hueningkai didn’t know how he should feel after that. Sitting down on the floor of the studio, phone still in hand, he texted his mother.

_Was studying at Taehyun’s and it got late, I will stay here >3< sorry mom, ily _

Kai picked up his stuff, texting Taehyun quickly.

_Tyunnnnn, if my mom asks, can u say I was there?_

The reply popped up in seconds.

_What are you doing? Where r u?_

The younger was closing the door when he decided to reply.

_I’m going to fix things with Soobin-hyung, please?_

Hueningkai started to get nervous as he walked down the street, the lack of reply from his friend raising his anxiety.

_Ok, good luck, take care. Ily <3 _

He had probably lost his mind, yes. As he walked down the streets, he thought about all the things he could lose. He didn’t want to lose Soobin, even if he wasn’t interested in him in that way. It would break his heart.

_**You don't have to be straight with me I see what's underneath your mask** _

_**I'm a man like you, I breathe the rituals of the dancer's dance** _

Kai was standing outside Soobin’s house when he dialed his number. The time seemed to slow down with each second, the tone reverberating in his ear once, twice—

‘Hyuka?’ Kai heard the nickname through the line, making him smile weakly. ‘It’s late, something happened?’

“Can you open the door, please?” He sighed, trying to not shiver, thinking that he should have brought more clothes.

‘Are you…? Shit— give me a second.’

The younger was tired. In more than a way, his whole body hurt from dancing the whole afternoon. He still lacked some sleep from the past days, unable to do it correctly. He was tired of this. Soobin opened the door in that exact moment, facing him. This was, no? This was Kai wanted, finally able to say all he wanted, to—

“I like you.” He blurted out and it felt like letting a giant bag drop off his shoulders. “Hyung, I like you so much and for so long and... “

**_And there's fire in you_ **

**_And you know it's gonna hurt, being cut in two_ **

**_And afraid_ **

“And…?” Soobin’s voice sounded strained and Kai started to fear the worst, maybe he had fucked everything up.

But if he had done it, then he would fucked it up completely.

“And I want to know if you feel the same because I’m tired of not knowing what’s happening here…” The younger shook his head, looking to the floor. “I’d rather have you rejecting me now, not in another couple months.” Sighing deeply, he forced himself to look up again. “Please say something to me, hyung.”

_**So don't break** _

_**Sanctify my body with pain** _

_**Sanctify the love that you crave** _

_**Oh, and I won't, and I won't, and I won't be ashamed** _

_**Sanctify my sins when I pray** _

A sudden hand on his wrist tugged him forward, making him stumble on his feet. “Come inside.” He was shaking, hearing the door being closed quietly, once more dragged by the older this time to his room. Hueningkai was again at the verge of tears.

“Don’t leave me h-hanging, hyung. Please, I can't do this anymore." A pair of warm hands cupped his face, and his breath hitching as their eyes met. Kai didn't remember the last time they were so close. Also, didn't remember when it started to feel like this looking at the taller.

"I'm sorry." Soobin mumbled, ashamed. It was written all over his face. "I'm sorry, Hyuka." The aforesaid leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and exhaling.

"It's okay… You don't have to feel the same, it's okay…" Each word felt like swallowing needles, but he tried to not shake too hard.

**_When I pray_ **

**_You'll find redemption when all this is through_ **

**_Father, forgive me for finding the truth_ **

**_Love takes its toll on me, I'm just like you_ **

But no words came from the other and he was about to protest again when he felt soft, warm lips over his. It barely lasted a couple seconds, but it surely made Kai's heart become a mess. Fluttering mess. Soobin looked at him this time. "I'm sorry for taking so long. I just wasn't sure if you'd feel something for… Me."

Kai laughed, rubbing his face with his palm in embarrassment, shaking his head. "Oh my god, seriously? Everyone noticed but you!" He laughed again, leaning forward and capturing his lips again, softly and inexperienced, teeth clashing messily, making them both laugh.

**_Maybe it's heavenly_ **

**_Maybe it's heavenly_ **

"Does that answer your question better?" He whispered, lips brushing with each word. Soobin's arms sneaked shyly into his waist and Kai pressed himself closer, flushed against him, wrapping his own arms over the taller's neck and pulling the other down, kissing him again.

It took them a couple kisses more to feel less clumsy, soft chuckles filling the almost non-existent space between them. Kai walked forward, pushing the older to the bed and laying over him, head resting on his neck, sighing deeply, content.

He propped up his face again, frowning and looking at the other.

"Do I have to ask you to be my boyfriend or you are going to do it?"

**_So don't break_ **

**_Sanctify my body with pain_ **

**_Sanctify the love that you crave_ **

**_Oh, and I won't, and I won't, and I won't be ashamed_ **

**_Sanctify my sins when I pray_ **

Hueningkai woke up warm. Wrapped in long arms around his waist, legs tangled under the covers. He could feel Soobin's breathing over his nape. Like so many times before, countless times.

It felt a little different, though. A little more closer, a little more ashamed but at the same time not. It felt new but familiar.

Nothing related to the way they kissed until they were breathless last night, of course not.

Kai still shivered at the thought, smiling stupidly. Happily. Turning around and nuzzling his face on the neck of the person he loved the most. Layers and layers of feelings, of years, that he still has to learn to unwrap carefully.

But for now, he'd just let his heart unravel in the present feeling of warmth.

“Good morning, beautiful.” The groggy voice made him smile against the skin of his neck, blush spreading all over his face. Maybe one day he’d get used to it.

“It’s late already, hyung.” Neither of them made a signal of moving, all the other way, he felt how Soobin pulled him closer.

Kai wanted to stay like that forever.

**_Sanctify my body with pain_ **

**_Sanctify the love that you crave_ **

**_Oh, and I won't, and I won't, and I won't be ashamed_ **

**_Sanctify my sins when I pray_ **

**_When I pray_ **

**_When I pray_ **

“So, what happened?” Taehyun asked, Kai lifting his head to look at him confused.

“With what?” The red haired laughed, at the same time Beomgyu let himself drop on his lap, kissing his cheek.

“They are dating.” This time the older smacked his lips loudly, on purpose, with Taehyun’s.”He has a hickey on the neck, you didn’t notice?” Kai panicked, touching his neck instantly, he was going to kill Soobin.

“We are dating, yes.” He heard over his head, looking up in the exact moment for his—yes, the internal screaming was loud and clear— boyfriend.

"Took you both long enough don't you think?" Kai just smiled at the question, still looking at the older.

"Yeah, but it's… Just like coming home." Soobin smiled back, dimples showing and making his heart skip a beat.

Yes, it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading until this point! If you liked it, leave a kudo or a comment, I’d be really happy!
> 
> If you are curious for more, you can also follow me on:
> 
> [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/hyukaslips)  
> [Curious Cat](https://www.curiouscat.qa/hyukaslips)


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